I had a major and terrible battle with the demon known to most of you as the "Inner Critic". I had never bothered to name this spirit, but as the oldest child, a Virgo, and a Catholic, I know it well. From this day forward, I acknowledge my Inner Critic. I have to, it won. But read on...
I was so excited by this idea of keeping a fake journal. I had a book and supplies ready. And when I got home from work, I quickly got the dogs outside (quick is good here), got dinner for the dogs, cat, and turtle served, ate my own dinner, etc., all the regular stuff so I could get to my fake journal. I read & re read the tips Roz had written. The Inner Critic rears it's ugly head: you've only been to Boston 4 times, your author can't live there, what do you know about being an 89 year old woman from Lithuania?, your author sees everything in black and white only, so what?, and your author is a 12 year old boy spying on you?, you're stupid and crazy, Joanie.
I can't seem to decide on an author for my fake journal, and I'm starting to panic. I really, really want to keep a fake journal for a month. And then I re read the tips once more: "A Word of Caution~This is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to let your mind wander and play. If you find that you are staring at the blank page and sweating, well that isn’t fun. Just stop. It isn’t worth it." I realize that it isn't worth it, and as much as I want to do this, I'm not going to put myself through this. I acknowledge my Inner Critic, and I surrender. I may be stupid and crazy, but I'm not so stupid that I can't see this is not FUN any more. Okay, stay with me. I quit, but not entirely. I do some other things, I get ready for bed and I say what passes for me as prayers, and I'm okay. Maybe next year I'll do a fake journal.
Kaboom, I think of a photo I took of my son & grandchildren at the Viet Nam Wall, and I remember a lady in the background of this photo, and I have an idea! It's 10:57 p.m. and I can't be stopped.
FU, Inner Critic, fu.