Thursday, April 2, 2009

Hell Wednesday a.k.a. the 1st day of the fake journal

I had a major and terrible battle with the demon known to most of you as the "Inner Critic". I had never bothered to name this spirit, but as the oldest child, a Virgo, and a Catholic, I know it well. From this day forward, I acknowledge my Inner Critic. I have to, it won. But read on...
I was so excited by this idea of keeping a fake journal. I had a book and supplies ready. And when I got home from work, I quickly got the dogs outside (quick is good here), got dinner for the dogs, cat, and turtle served, ate my own dinner, etc., all the regular stuff so I could get to my fake journal. I read & re read the tips Roz had written. The Inner Critic rears it's ugly head: you've only been to Boston 4 times, your author can't live there, what do you know about being an 89 year old woman from Lithuania?, your author sees everything in black and white only, so what?, and your author is a 12 year old boy spying on you?, you're stupid and crazy, Joanie.
I can't seem to decide on an author for my fake journal, and I'm starting to panic. I really, really want to keep a fake journal for a month. And then I re read the tips once more: "A Word of Caution~This is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to let your mind wander and play. If you find that you are staring at the blank page and sweating, well that isn’t fun. Just stop. It isn’t worth it." I realize that it isn't worth it, and as much as I want to do this, I'm not going to put myself through this. I acknowledge my Inner Critic, and I surrender. I may be stupid and crazy, but I'm not so stupid that I can't see this is not FUN any more. Okay, stay with me. I quit, but not entirely. I do some other things, I get ready for bed and I say what passes for me as prayers, and I'm okay. Maybe next year I'll do a fake journal.
Kaboom, I think of a photo I took of my son & grandchildren at the Viet Nam Wall, and I remember a lady in the background of this photo, and I have an idea! It's 10:57 p.m. and I can't be stopped.
FU, Inner Critic, fu.

7 comments:

journalrat said...

Joanie, it's not unusual to have this reaction. It's the same reaction that many folks have just keeping a regular visual journal. I'm glad that you end your post with a positive plan for some creative work. I hope that went well.

Seems to me your mind is thinking and thinking (both the critic and the creative part).

So here's a thought. You don't have to give in to that critic. You can remind it that the whole point of a fake journal is that is it fake so who cares if you aren't the same age as your author, etc. You could use the time to find nice little neat and quick ways to turn off your internal critic.

And you can start any time in April, just because you didn't start on the first doesn't mean you can't start later. That will really turn the internal critic crazy, that you've given yourself permission for flexibility and jumping in whenever!

So while it is perfectly acceptable to walk away, especially if it isn't fun. At least consider the idea of what you could do to get your i.c. under control if you did approach it.

Whatever you do remind yourself, it's OK.

Hope to see you participate next year.

Mixed Media Martyr said...

What was the idea?! What was the idea?!

Gina said...

Hi, Joanie. I’m so glad you slew your Inner Critic and took the IFJM challenge!! I was going to wait till next year, too, but late Wednesday night I decided just to go for it. It’s really amazing how easy it is to silence the Inner Critic by taking action. When I think too much, I can kill creativity; when I jump in, I’m swimming in Muse Territory and an abundance of ideas buoy me up. My persona came from a photo I took in Ireland. Each time I write or sketch in my fake journal, I don’t have to know the story ahead of time but it’s there waiting for me when I put pen to page. I hope to upload my first drawing over the weekend to Roz’s IFJM blog. Best of luck and keep on journaling! We’ll have some amazing little books by the end of the month.

Joanie Hoffman said...

I haven't made up my mind about this being a personal journal or one I post.
Maybe over the weekend I can decide.
Stay tuned!
Happy days,
Joanie

Janet Wilson said...

Yay! You are so creative and clever and I love how you write...it's hard to believe you would allow that IC to do that to you!
Sounds like you got some good support and suggestions from friends out there...keep going!
xoxo
Ms B

Chocolate and Steel said...

That is awesome! My husband is a writer and he goes through that all the time. He has to allow himself to write nonsense to get to the good stuff. So happy that you had a moment of inspiration.

Margaret said...

hang in there Joanie! I do hope you manage to hush your IC whichever journal you go for. M